It is 11 p.m. now and I just found out I had two commission orders. Wha? Whatever happened to letting me know these things on the same day they're made? And of course they're both traditional art. Geh.

I can't tell you how insecure I feel when trying to do traditional art. I think it's only through sheer tenacity that I manage to finish any traditional paintings. They just intimidate me so, so much. But the cheapest one will be $400. It's money... and I do need it. *sigh* There's so much to do and it all seems like it's piling up on me all of a sudden.

Of course, if it were digital stuff I'd feel fine. I'm confident with that. It's easier to fix a problem with that, so I don't have to feel anxious when I work. With painting, if I mess up and I try to fix it and mess it up more somehow it makes me very depressed and it causes me to come to a complete halt. It saps my courage to go on for a bit. I can't allow that, but I have to find a way to fix things myself without running to the other traditional artists around here. It makes me feel like such a kid. Which isn't helped by the fact that I'm the youngest member in the Friday meetings.